I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
