This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
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I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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