Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
