man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
