I can text with my tongue
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize