I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I understand Curling. That high.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
