Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
