just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
