He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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