i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
