I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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