I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
