If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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