wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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