Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
