guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My life is pants optional.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
