On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
