I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
