Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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