sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Someone came in the potted fern
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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