how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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