tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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