I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
