Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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