I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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