I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
