Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
