Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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