you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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