This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
