Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
