just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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