So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
