I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
