And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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