His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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