I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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