I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
