what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize