wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
