you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
