Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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