Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Damn victory sex feels great
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
