I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
