maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
