can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
