you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
