you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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