Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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