It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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