She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
