How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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