Plan B is the new Plan A
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
