The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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