sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
